Tuesday, September 21, 2010

An Update from James - Thoughts on Fearlessly Feminine

Stephanie received several questions in regards to what I thought about the skirts, how I felt it affected our marriage and if I behaved any differently. Stephanie has asked me to share my thoughts on her 7 Day Modesty Challenge...

I did notice Stephanie was more bright and cheerful during the 7-day challenge than she had been before. She appears to feel better about herself and exudes greater confidence. She complained less about her appearance thus elevating her thoughts and actions. This attitude and bearing affected myself and our entire home. She seemed to be more patient, nurturing, softer and giving. She appeared more feminine and behaved more feminine, which I have to agree, men always respond to. I did. For example, I was raised to open doors for women and it seems a lot easier to remember to do that when my wife is wearing a dress.

Ever hear the axiom, "dress for success?" Sure you have. When you're sloppy it's too easy to be lazy and do a bunch of nothing. When I come home and see the house a mess and my wife looking like she laid on the couch all day I might think, "hey I just worked a 10 hour day, so you could lie around and do nothing, how's that fair?" This does not bring feelings of unity, equality or endearment. My job is important; I want to look professional, trustworthy and important. I want to be taken seriously. When she dresses up it feels like she takes her job seriously, and it's easier to think her job is important too. When we're both dressed it feels like you're a team; you're both engaged in the day and doing something important. That builds unity and a feeling of equality, which is endearing. Dressing up makes it feels like today is an important day and it should be used to do important things.

I had some thoughts on the phrase above about how she complained less about her appearance. When someone is obsessed about his or her self they come across as more juvenile or immature. The world, it seems, would have us all stay in this self-obsessed adolescent stage worrying only about the outward appearance. Maturity only happens when one moves beyond the earlier inward focused stages of life into selfless, giving and nurturing stage of life. A woman is beautiful because she has character and influence; this gives her depth, strength and confidence, which is always attractive. A woman is free to be a leader as she concerns herself about others, and in no way is she weak or submissive. I believe I have seen a maturing over the last week in my wife.

So did I act differently? Yes, but I thinks it changed more how I felt which will continue to effect changes.

Have I noticed a difference in my marriage? I think it has been a good influence.
Was it the skirts? I believe they were a catalyst but the real difference was our behaviors and attitudes.

So this begs the last question; should she continue to wear dresses and skirts?
Yes, I would love it.



  1. That's so wonderful! I feel much more feminine when I'm in a skirt. I wonder if my husband would agree with James. I should try this challenge and see what happens.

  2. I think it's wonderful that something so simple has brought more confidence and all around contentment into your home.

    I've always been a girl who wore skirts on a regular basis outside of church. I love fashion. I mean I really, really love fashion. To me it's art. I'll put on a cute skirt and top just for shopping at Target or going to the library.

    However, I don't wear them in my home because life here is all kinds of busy. Horses, dogs, cats, chickens, friends, daily gardening outside as well as inside, daily hikes even in the rain, lots of treadmill, yoga, pilates, cooking daily, making preserves (June-November), picking apples, walnuts, hickory nuts, persimmons, planting, tending, harvesting a three acre garden, blueberries, blackberries, grapes, scuppernogs, apples, pears, cherries, strawberries, peaches, drying herbs, making jerky, finding and trying one new challenging recipe a week etc... etc... Work is never, ever done on a farm. Especially one that's almost entirely off the grid. I'm so proud to say that we've accomplished the goal of providing 80% of all the food we consume!

    Yet outside of home I love skirts and shoes and painted toe-nails and fancy hair and matching (or contrasting) handbags, funky jewlery, and all things uber-girlie!!!

    Thanks for such a neat topic to consider and discuss!


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