Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Meant to be ours

I have a theory...not even a theory, just a rambling thought that came to me last night while drifting off to sleep. I like to think it was the still, small voice whispering comfort into my ear.

Let me back up. When it rains; it pours. I have had several friends announce pregnancies. All in the span of one month. I promise you, I am truly happy for my friends. I am. But, like any infertile woman, it still leaves me feeling a little left out. I realize that I am stressing myself out about whether or not I would ever 'find' all the children that were meant to be ours. It leaves me wondering if I am less of a woman or less loved by the Lord for not being able to participate in these normal experiences that define womanhood.

We hear in church lessons, read a lot of conference talks, and hear well meaning testimonies from our friends about how women are in partnership with God when, through the miracle of pregnancy and childbirth, they bring new spirits into the world. In fact, we are counseled that it is our responsibility to welcome children into our home. But, when pregnancy is elusive, we wonder if we are less of a woman, or less blessed, because we are unable to fulfill that commandment to multiply and replenish. I know for me, I wondered why others were blessed with this "miracle" when I wasn't. But, I think I have some of it figured out. I have witnessed an even bigger, more incredible miracle. And I want to tell you about it.

I'll explain.

I believe that we knew each and every one of our spirit children in the pre-existence. What I am saying is: I knew my all of my 'spirit babies' before any of us came into the world. And, this has absolutely nothing to do with genetics. Absolutely nothing. I strongly believe that we are related spiritually... and that the bodies we inhabit during this life are just vessels to house those spirits...and when we die our our spirits will all be reunited again. Genetics are neat, but insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Our spiritual relationship is what makes us a family.

So, I have another radical thought:
I think that the children that were meant to be ours - will be.

I know, crazy thought isn't it?
Especially coming from one who is unable to get pregnant.

But I think that Krista Oaks has it right when, in her book "Fertile in our Faith" she discusses how, life on Earth is a big 'family reunion' of sorts. Everybody comes to the reunion...some come by bus, some drive themselves, some might walk while some take a taxi. Some might fly in for a short visit, others pack suitcases and take the train for an extended stay. It doesn't matter HOW they get to the big family reunion...the point is - They will Come. And that is, in itself, a true miracle.

It IS truly a miracle how babies come into the world. But, to me, it is an even bigger miracle that a woman can go through pregnancy and childbirth...and then place her baby in the arms of an aching couple.

When I say I have witnessed a bigger miracle...
I mean that I have SEEN the pure, unselfish love of Christ.
I have SEEN the works of God.

All in the hands of a brave birthmother.

The Lord has indeed blessed me greatly by allowing me the privilege of witnessing something so sacred.

I know that our Kayley was meant to be ours.

And I know that other children that are meant to be ours - will be.

How they will get to the reunion is uncertain, but the point is - They will Come.


  1. I couldn't agree more. She's always been yours. Not even I could deny that. Which is why I didn't. I'm so blessed to have been able to have her in my life for those few days in the hospital, and to have you all in my heart forever. I'm not the same person because of you all. I'm better.

  2. Just a quick note:

    Thank you for this post. God has used you to help me with what I needed today. I have recently become more aware through volunteering and helping out friends of lots of babies! I am an Adoptive Dad and it has been effecting me lately to see pregnant mothers and larger families with brothers and sisters and wondering if my son will ever get a brother or sister. The post was a little knock on the head in the midst of work stress, looking for a house stress, and extended family stress to remind me that God cares and what will be, will be. Thanks for the reminder


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